today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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