I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize