When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Your penis caused this!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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