he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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