I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
where are my eyebrows?
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