I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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