I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
