i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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