____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
