I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize