I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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