Your face is a jimmy john
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
3pm strippers are depressing
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
