what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
