We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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