What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
