I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My pussy is not your playground.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i drank out of a bidet.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
