YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
