; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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