i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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