Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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