The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
