it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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