I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think I won the penis lottery.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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