I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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