plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
