I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
