Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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