Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize