Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
