Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
