Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
