Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I need moral support for this bender
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
