out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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