why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
