so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
