Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
the liver wants what the liver wants
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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