Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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