i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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