That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
