oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
