so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
