i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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