Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
