I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
