Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's never too late to be topless.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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