you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
