doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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