I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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