No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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