oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
