I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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