Please, let me fuck your mom
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
