i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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