Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
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