are you still at the devil's house?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
