I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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