So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
