he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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