There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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