my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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