yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize