is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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