Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
we should paint friendship bongs
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
