how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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