Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
