some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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