At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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