You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
