Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
