PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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