do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
