I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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