New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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