I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
