Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
