how can u be prego again
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize