Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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