i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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