guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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