At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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