do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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