Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
