you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
