he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
