man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
