He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
